The Truth of My Failings

I am sorry
I've made a terrible mistake
Though I knew the end was coming
I could have found a better way

I am sorry
I've hurt you more than I understand
Even though things had to change
I could have been a better man

I am sorry
I've asked God to forgive me
Not for the situation, but for the sin
I can only trust he's listening

I am sorry
There's no excuse I let my loneliness win
I just felt so god damn worthless
And she made me feel valuable again

I am sorry
I thought I was stronger
I thought I could endure until the bitter end
I should of asked for help so much earlier

I am sorry
I was stoic and kept the pain locked up inside
I kept hoping it would someday be better
I kept hoping she'd see my value

I am sorry
I never loved your mother
In the way she so richly deserved
I earned every moment of disrespect
Impaled on every viscious and venemous word

I am sorry
I've wronged you all
I was disloyal and my timing was sad
I betrayed something that was dying
I should have waited till I was truly dead

I am sorry
I tried to control this
And built a naive world inside my head
Where we all might someday be happy
And ignore the lives I shred

I am sorry
You can't forgive me
I've earned each minute of your rage
I've sown and reaped the harvest
Just another statistic of the age

I am sorry
In more ways than you can imagine
Not because it ever happened
But because I should have just walked on by
And stayed numb and dead instead

I am sorry
I denied the truth of my failings
I couldn't admit what I had become
Lonely, emasculated, addicted and immoral
You're right to think of me as worthless scum

I am sorry
I could of loved her more for you
But I am more tender than you might think
I've wounded and been so deeply wounded
I am terrified and can't risk being wounded again

I am sorry
I know I've done evil
My hearts done black and dark dirty deeds
I've murdered more than you know dear
Choked out beauty with life's flfthy weeds

I am sorry
You're right somehow doesn't cut it
But theres no other words that can say
All the parts just won't piece back together
In these shaking and sorrowful hands

I am sorry
Please forgive my hideous mistakes
Nothing makes up for the damage
No insurance to replace the pain
Just smoldering ruins remain

I am sorry
I truly should have died with honor
And been happy in my lonely bed
Since I'm the one who made it
I should have lay in it till I was fully dead

I am sorry
I'll do what I can
To pick up the pieces and put things right
But it's not all going to fit back together
And I'll never again be the white knight

Clear Now

The dead tell no tales
The dead have nothing but regrets
The dead just keep on walking
The dead leave everything unsaid

You live with all your anger
You live like it's all about you
You live with a heart of cancer
You live like I mean nothing to you

The dead cannot remember
The dead rot in their regrets
The dead just can't stop talking
The dead mean nothing...cause they're dead

You judge like one sins greater than another
You judge every genuine attempt
You judge like you've earned the right
You judge like somehow you're exempt

The dead loved and still they died
The dead hoped and still they're just bones
The dead try to reach the living
But they're dead and forever alone

You act like somebody owes you
You act like you see inside my private heart
You act like little Ms. all knowing
But all that actings gonna tear you apart

I'm dead... you've made that clear now
I'm dead... so why even bother to try
I'm dead... so I guess I'll move on now
I'm dead... and dead men can't apologize

You live like a bitter princess
You live like you have a clue
You live like the universe is about you
You live like any of this is new

I'm dead... but I'll just keep on loving
I'm dead... and I'll fix what I can
I'm dead... but at least I'm still breathing
I'm dead... because God didn't make perfect men

I'm dead... because I wasn't listenting
I'm dead... because I couldn't hear your pain
I'm dead... and the dead they just can't go dancing
I'm dead... and there's no forgiveness for the grave

The dead always wish they knew
How to bring themselves back
But the living are too busy to notice
They're walking with the dead

Your Heros Fallen

Never seen a bitter light so piercing
Tasting every poison word
I wonder whose voice is talking
You damn me to extorted silence
So very well rehearsed

Little girl lifes not so simple
Kisses don't make everything better
Little girl you've said a mouthful
But sometimes listening is better

Walking on water so dark its choking
Pierced by every sharpened word
Justified in your pain and anger
I know my sins are obvious
At least I own each chapter and verse

Little girl walk a decade in my shoes
Feel my bloodied and wounded feet
Sorry I didn't have time for dancing
I was slaving with mouths to feed

Love's labour taken from me
Demanded as her right
Stole the pleasure of every act
Each victory a struggle
Still I soldiered on in silence

Little girl...I'm sorry your hurting
I'm sorry that I'm the source of all your pain
I'm sorry I strayed to another
I felt so wounded... I couldn't bear it again

Little girl I wish I could easily explain...
But then you'd have to see things clearly
My sixteen years of searing pain
Like you said... sorry doesn't make every wound better
Little girl I'll say it once again

I'm sorry... I'll do my best to fix things
But it won't go back together the same again
I'm ok with being the target
I'm the one who changed the game
I'm sorry... I'll do my best to fix things
But it won't ever be the same again

Little girl... your heros fallen
His faced is bloodied and so's his name
Little girl... hopefully one day you'll forgive him
And bring him back from the dead in your heart again