The Truth of My Failings

I am sorry
I've made a terrible mistake
Though I knew the end was coming
I could have found a better way

I am sorry
I've hurt you more than I understand
Even though things had to change
I could have been a better man

I am sorry
I've asked God to forgive me
Not for the situation, but for the sin
I can only trust he's listening

I am sorry
There's no excuse I let my loneliness win
I just felt so god damn worthless
And she made me feel valuable again

I am sorry
I thought I was stronger
I thought I could endure until the bitter end
I should of asked for help so much earlier

I am sorry
I was stoic and kept the pain locked up inside
I kept hoping it would someday be better
I kept hoping she'd see my value

I am sorry
I never loved your mother
In the way she so richly deserved
I earned every moment of disrespect
Impaled on every viscious and venemous word

I am sorry
I've wronged you all
I was disloyal and my timing was sad
I betrayed something that was dying
I should have waited till I was truly dead

I am sorry
I tried to control this
And built a naive world inside my head
Where we all might someday be happy
And ignore the lives I shred

I am sorry
You can't forgive me
I've earned each minute of your rage
I've sown and reaped the harvest
Just another statistic of the age

I am sorry
In more ways than you can imagine
Not because it ever happened
But because I should have just walked on by
And stayed numb and dead instead

I am sorry
I denied the truth of my failings
I couldn't admit what I had become
Lonely, emasculated, addicted and immoral
You're right to think of me as worthless scum

I am sorry
I could of loved her more for you
But I am more tender than you might think
I've wounded and been so deeply wounded
I am terrified and can't risk being wounded again

I am sorry
I know I've done evil
My hearts done black and dark dirty deeds
I've murdered more than you know dear
Choked out beauty with life's flfthy weeds

I am sorry
You're right somehow doesn't cut it
But theres no other words that can say
All the parts just won't piece back together
In these shaking and sorrowful hands

I am sorry
Please forgive my hideous mistakes
Nothing makes up for the damage
No insurance to replace the pain
Just smoldering ruins remain

I am sorry
I truly should have died with honor
And been happy in my lonely bed
Since I'm the one who made it
I should have lay in it till I was fully dead

I am sorry
I'll do what I can
To pick up the pieces and put things right
But it's not all going to fit back together
And I'll never again be the white knight