No Hidden Meanings

Devon,

I humbly apologize for making your life so terrible. I apologize profusely for the errors I've made. There is nothing I deserve more than your hatred and anger. I cheated on your mother and the family. There is no excuse and I am deeply sorry. I am doing everything I can with your mother to take the necessary steps to restore our family.

You are correct, I have lied; I have sinned; I have made horrible mistakes in this process. I am working to heal things with your mother first. There is no wishing or magic words or actions that will make this better. Only time and God's mercy will help everyone heal. I hope that you can turn to God in this process to find peace for yourself. I do hope that you stop taking things out on your mother so visciously. She needs your support at this time...not your venom. She didn't do this... I did.

You may choose to use this as your "reason" for hating the world, hating me even, but there is no reason to be hateful to your mother. Have some mercy in your heart... honor God and serve her. You may think that I have no moral authority to give you this counsel... but that would be untrue. In all of this you are still commanded by God in scripture to honor your mother and father so that it will go well with you and you will live a long life. It doesn't suggest that if your angry... or if your parents make mistakes and sin that you are somehow excused from this commandment by God.

I am fasting, and I am asking God for his help to restore our family 1oo% to health. I believe he is going to help me in this process. I am working with your mother and trying very hard to regain her trust so that we can move forward. The simple fact is that you need to trust your Savior and your Mother. She is a very Godly woman... she is a very wise woman... and learning to follow her lead in graciousness will go a long way towards honoring God in your own life.

You may choose to continue in your anger towards me... but the result will only be a disease in your soul called Bitterness. Bitterness takes root and it destroys lives... I know this because I let it take root in my heart towards your mother. It was a destructive disease... one which God is curing me of, one which causes a cancer of the soul that is worst than anything. For your own sake... forgive and pray for your family.

I failed you and your brother's and sisters, I failed your mother. Please forgive me for this. Please forgive me. I am not asking you to trust me... nor am I asking you to believe in me again. But do not continue this war of viscious words. I will not shoot back... I will only pray for you.

You are an amazingly gifted young lady. I am sure that you will surpass me in many ways. That is how it works. One generation building on the results of the past. Sometimes having to overcome the errors of past generations. I have repeated key mistakes that my birth father and grand father passed on. I didn't want to admit it, but I fell to the same failures. It has been very humbling having to be stripped so naked by God in front of so many people.

You see my sin is in public and visible, but according to God all sin is sin. So the sins that others commit in secret in the dark are no different. I am not original in my failings. Thankfully, Jesus died for me too. I have asked for forgiveness, I am repenting, and I am taking the steps to ensure that there is never going to be a repeat of this again. I realize none of that may satisfy your anger... but it is what God has asked. Who are you to ask more than God?

In the end of things I didn't sin against you... I sinned against God. I have taken it to God. I will continue to take it to him. I hope that in this you will find a shred of mercy in your soul towards me. I am most concerned that you maintain a healthy relationship with your mother... she deserves nothing less from you.

Your servant,
Dad